I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
