This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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