oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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