I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
