Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
