You can't special order awesome
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
