is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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