Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
