he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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