The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
