i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.