I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.