Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.