The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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