Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
