How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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