"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
