I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
