Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
