I can't watch pbs sober anymore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
