I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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