They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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