Don't make out with my wife yet
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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