I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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