how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
