he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
