I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
