if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
