careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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