This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
