have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
