: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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