I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
