i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize