you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
