As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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