I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
