He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
