think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would fuck him just for his dog
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
