did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
