Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
