i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
