Non-Jews are for practice
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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