Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
