google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
