I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
