I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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