i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
