do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
