for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ketchup is God's man juice
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
