pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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