For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
