stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
