I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize