there's paper in my vomit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
