She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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