Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
