two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
