do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
