nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize