Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
smell my finger.
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late