My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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