I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
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what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.