my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my liver is dry heaving
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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