This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
