there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
