Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
