Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
