does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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