I smell stomach acid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
