Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
