I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
