My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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