so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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