If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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