i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
