i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
