never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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