Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
